Empty threats

My mind is full of empty threats. The stabbing motion of a knife. It jabs its way into my throat, slices down and turns, I Begin To Bleed. The door is locked, they won't find me until it too late.

The point of the knife is pressed to my throat when suddenly a sobbing mess appears in the mirror before me. She is shaking and tears stream down her face. It Is A Pathetic Sight. It's a pathetic person.

I'm afraid to be alone with myself, in case it takes over.
I'm afraid to be with others least it shows.

The missing piece

I've lived a pretty sheltered life. Grew up in a Canadian middle class family but there's something missing. There's just something not right about the way I live and every action seems like it's getting me further away from fixing it but at the time it feels like it's the right thing to do. I find it hard to believe that this is normal that people just go around excepting this kind of life. Why do we let these things destroy us?

Crudely drawn ink

Thoughts and feelings are rushing through me. I pick up a pen and let them flow into the black ink forming ruff words. That are everything I never wanted to think. Never wanted to feel. Never want to know. They’re my broken hopes and dreams. My dead desire. My lost soul. They are everything bad in the world. They’re everything bad in me.

Distractions

My distractions just aren't working any more. I just can't escape it. I already see the shine on the blade as it drives it self under my skin and into my chest. Looking for the source of this pain until it comes across a beating heart. "thump thump thump". I found it.

A locked heart

Once a heart is broken it can never be fixed only glued together with substandard glue and every time it breaks it shatters into smaller pieces. So we try to shield ourselves from the world. We barracked the doors and lock the windows but it’s only in the dark hours of the night when we’re between the conscious and unconscious the world breaks through. Then in a rush before you even realise what’s happened all your defences break and you find yourself sobbing. And guess what? You’re out of glue.

Energy

Do you believe energy can't be made or destroyed? Well I believe emotions are a form of energy. They can't be destroyed they can't be made. I also believe this form of energy can't be interchanged and when you feel something you've stolen that feeling from someone else. I finally feel happy, happier than I have in years. But I'm not the one that should be feeling this happiness, I don't deserve this kind of joy.

Love

If you’re close to someone nothing can keep you from loving them. And you can never really get over love. You can try to ignore it, try to make it into hate but you still love that person. Sooner or later you're not going to be able to keep up the game and you're going to see you love them. Weather they were your friend, sister, brother, parent or significant other, if you really love someone you'll still love them, it just might not be the same.

Even though we had a horrible fight and I hated you for a couple of years. I still love you and I honestly don't know how this whole fight started but I'm sorry. I just wish we still talked so I could tell you that.