Old habits

I promised myself 2011 was going to be a good year yet I've fallen into old habits. I try to avoid sleep because in those minuets to hours I'm laying in dark I have nothing to distract me from these thoughts. On the off chance I manage to fall asleep quickly I see a scorpion stinging me or a spiders crawling on me. After jolting to concessions I check my bed searching every blanket separately and even though it's -20C and my room is the coldest in the house I throw my blankets on the floor because I just can't do it. When I can't sleep I lay there and the thoughts attack me. I pull on my hair trying to force them out and bury my head under my pillow so maybe they won't be able to find me but they always do. But horrible as sleeping is being awake is worst.