Protecting you

I dreamt about it again last night, the way the light shone off the blade as it plunged into you. The look of shock but not hatred... why don't you hate me? It was hurt and betrayal but not hatred How could it not be hatred? You were always so trusting, too trusting, I've always told you that. the world it just isn't what you think-thought- what you thought it was. The world it- can be a bad bad place, full of bad people. But you'd just laugh and say I was paranoid and that the world isn't a bad place. Oh but it is, I know it is and I just wanted you to see that, so you didn't get hurt. That's all I was trying to do, I was protecting you. But you never thought not even for a moment I would do it, not for a second. So when I came into your room that night crying you- you came and hugged me, I almost believed you in that moment, I almost believed there's good in the world, but, there isn't. So I pulled away, you looked hurt and I wanted nothing more then to pull you back in, hug you and say you're right. No that's a lie, what I really wanted to do was believe you're right; but you weren't. So then I showed you the knife the big butchers knife I toke from the kitchen, it shone in the moonlight but you didn't move just looked at me like you always did. You didn't believe I'd do it and really I didn't want to, I really didn't want to. But I was protecting you, I was showing you that you're wrong, I was helping, I was- was protecting you.