Simple Changes

It's amazing how one 7 minuet film can actually change my outlook on life. While at the same time one look at reality can bring me back to my depressed state. It has me thinking maybe I should change my reality, then I realised the reason I don't is because I'm afraid. What if I don't like the new one I can't just hit the back button and erase it. So how do I achieve happiness? I really wish the next sentence I could write would start with the word simple but... it can't because I haven't figured that out yet.

I.Have.Stolen.

I have stolen. Your thoughts, your ideas, your hopes, your dreams. Or have you just simply stolen me? Are we really that much a like that we think and act the same. Or are we just that inspirational we've made it this way? Either way you are my inspiration.

My advice

I want to write something life changing. Something eye opening something to talk about. I want it to be the reason you smile if even for a moment. I want to pass on the advice I have from all the my years of experience. The only problem being I'm 16. I have no experience worth sharing in fact I'm still trying to figure out the world my self. But I'm afraid that when I turn 50 I'll have forgotten this moment. I'll have forgotten my desire to write something so inspirational that it may save you and maybe even saved me while writing it. So this is the only advice I have to give right now and hopefully be able to follow myself. Don't forget who you are, don't ever forget but don't remain something you don't want be. Be whatever makes you happy.

Liars

We're all just liars. The people you think you can trust, The people you love. They're liars and so are you. They start out small "how are you today?" "Oh I'm great" even though you've missed your bus. Then they turn big and they're done with intent. They become habit because a lie is easier than the truth and a lot less painful. Eventually you begin to lie to yourself because it's easier. But one day the truth is going to come through and your fragile little world you've created is going to shatter. You're no longer going to be able to say every thing's fine and believe it. That's when it ends that's when you stop lying to yourself and to everyone around you. But they don't want the truth it hurts them the way it hurt and still hurts you. So just as you would have they leave and you're forced to seek out the truth, alone.

The way it should end.

I often think of ways I can do it just to make it end. Last night as I drifted off to sleep I thought of holding that knife. Waiting until they went to sleep then locking my door. I would then stab my self in several places on my back and three times where my diaphragm ends, then I would cut off my left hand. Throw the knife into the wall hoping it would stick and the blood left on it would drip down. And with my last bit of energy I would lay on my back under the covers with my arm up top of them and my hand laying and inch away from where it should be attached. Then I would close my eyes and just give in.

Empty threats

My mind is full of empty threats. The stabbing motion of a knife. It jabs its way into my throat, slices down and turns, I Begin To Bleed. The door is locked, they won't find me until it too late.

The point of the knife is pressed to my throat when suddenly a sobbing mess appears in the mirror before me. She is shaking and tears stream down her face. It Is A Pathetic Sight. It's a pathetic person.

I'm afraid to be alone with myself, in case it takes over.
I'm afraid to be with others least it shows.

The missing piece

I've lived a pretty sheltered life. Grew up in a Canadian middle class family but there's something missing. There's just something not right about the way I live and every action seems like it's getting me further away from fixing it but at the time it feels like it's the right thing to do. I find it hard to believe that this is normal that people just go around excepting this kind of life. Why do we let these things destroy us?